Immediate Wrestler Job Application Denials


I love to give my readers a little insight to where my head is at. I’ll be honest, that wrestling was a section, as a fanboy, I would love to do. There’s just times I feel like my opinions on the business are worth spewing out. However, there will be a period of weeks in the year, that I just lose total interest in it, and only pay attention to the Pay-Per-Views, because I can’t push myself to watch 5-6 hours of WWE programming on a normal week, not to mention the other companies around the globe. I intend on keeping the wrestling section along, and hopefully adding some frequent content on it as well. I know my wrestling podcasts, back when I was host of The Iron Jaw Podcast on Blog Talk Radio, they got a lot of support from my friends and extended family of wrestling. So how do I get to making writing pro wrestling articles fun again? Deny pro wrestlers a common man’s everyday job!

Let’s begin…

Corporate-Kane-red-tie

KANE
Occupation: Firefighter

Who would trust the Big Red Monster to put out fires, when he’s been starting them all his career? Each time he makes his entrance, the pyro resembles fire. He comes dressed up for the job interview with flames on his clothes. Aaaaand, on his resume, Kane even put that he set his own brother’s casket on FIRE!! Not to mention, he has set Montel Vontavious Porter’s body on fire. So firefighter? DENIED!

enzo-amore-shocked-face

ENZO AMORE
Occupation: Hairstylist

This NXT superstar can use the microphone to help connect the audience, and put their faith in him and partner Big Cass to win the outcome of tag team matches. However, he couldn’t say anything on the mic to will me into putting my hair in his heads. If Enzo went out to SuperCuts for a job interview with that hair, I’d turn him away at the door. DENIED!

FUN FACT:
Writer Michael Davis refuses to allow a family member, including his own mother, to touch his hair.

Brie-Bella

BRIE BELLA
Occupation: Lead Actress Role

I say lead actress role, but just any role involving where she has to make the audience feel for her. Many recall her feud with sister Nikki Bella around this time last year, and do you remember just how horrendous the promos were? Nikki was bad too, but Brie could not play it believable at all, one bit. At least Nikki showed some aggression by wishing Brie had died in the womb… If you’re looking at Brie for a role in your next drama film, look the other way, and then smack yourself. DENIED!

David-Otunga-Coffee

DAVID OTUNGA
Occupation: Kindergarten Teacher

This man has an incredible physique, but he’s more renown in the WWE for his Harvard education. David Otunga seems overqualified for this job. Why don’t you want a Harvard student teaching your five- and six-year-olds simple math? Well, I believe there’d be a great chance that high school comes early for those kids, as Otunga would complicate things by his gigantic words and utterly destroy the foundation for these kids’ learning throughout their school careers. It’s almost like Otunga doesn’t know any simple words. Do you hire the A-Lister at the kindergarten level? DENIED!

mark-henry

MARK HENRY
Occupation: Fast Food Chef

Okay, this is going to be mean, I’ll just begin there… You actually might be stupid enough to hire the World’s Strongest Man once. If he fools you once, shame on him; If he fools you twice, shame on you. Just look at the 400-pounder. The food wouldn’t even make it out of the kitchen before he ate it himself. DENIED!

raw_1078_photo_014-2144931

STEPHANIE McMAHON
Occupation: Office Manager

Let me start by saying, I’m sure Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley would be nothing less than superb at anything she set her mind to. However, would she bring out the best in her employees? I think she’d install more fear than confidence for the ones below her on the totem pole. She’s the ‘Billion Dollar Princess’ and can’t relate much to ones who are living paycheck-to-paycheck and pinching pennies to get there. Stephanie is a McMahon, and the daughter of Vince McMahon, so one ill-advised move on a bad day, they could be getting the two words her dad made synonymous. DENIED!

Who else can you think of that you’d deny an everyday job? Comment below!

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